When you pass a class or year at school, do you go back to study it again?
No, because when you learn a topic and graduate from it, you are supposed to move on to the next phase.
When something smells terrible that it makes you cringe, do you keep on smelling it?
No, because the smell is so repugnant that it makes you sick and want to stay away from it.
If you get stung by a Bee, would you put your hand again in the nest?
No, because the pain was excruciating and you don’t want to experience it again
So why would you go back to a person that keeps hurting your precious heart?
You only repeat a test when you fail, like a driving test, if you fail, no license unless you take it again and pass.
To a bitter taste, I have learned that this life is a forever school, one never stops learning and the lessons can be very hard. I was told once by my Grandmother that the biggest lessons of life are the harder ones but it enriches you, they make you wiser because life lessons once you learn them you will never fail them again.
We all tend to cling to what is familiar regardless of what it represents in our lives, be it good or bad, it may be hard to let go of because like they say, better the devil you know, right?. Everyone will have their reason for hanging on conscience or sub-conscience level.
The first thing you must always remember is that you’ve been through many tough times and you survived them, you carried on and kept going because you are very strong and unbreakable. I’m sure there were other times that you felt so hurt that you thought you would never stop feeling that pain, am I right?
Times when you couldn’t stop thinking about that person that hurt you so badly yet, you make the love for them greater than the love you feel for yourself that you lingered in that self-pity pain that drags you down and down making you feel helpless. Just remember, you were hurting and feeling sorry for yourself but they carried on. And why not? They are honest with their feelings, they didn’t want the relationship anymore therefore they moved on, and it’s fair. They were stronger and more assertive.
We are here to learn from the school of life, therefore the advice I would pass on to anyone that cares is to take any new endeavours of life, be it personal or professional, as a task assigned to you by the universe to test your resolve. Pay attention to the red flags and the clues, make notes of things you should remember and study it well so that when you have to take the test, you’ll pass it. But if you fail it, it’s ok, just study your notes again and be more aware of the clues you’ve missed before and you will be prepared for the test again, you will be clear with your response, and assertive, and you will pass and move on to the next level.
If you are the type of person that has difficulty letting go, my advice is to write what I call the “Visual Hug”, a list defining the PROS and CONS of things that I am tightly hanging on to. It helps me see what’s pulling me down then I can make a sound judgement to either make them balance equally or simply cut them off with prejudice because they are no longer serving my greater good.
Make your PROS and CONS list, write under each section things that you like about that person, things that person likes about you, things that person does for you and things you do for them.
When you finish, put your list aside, have a cup of tea, and reflect to see if you miss any details, if you do, add them, if you don’t, pick it up and read it calmly.
However, for the “Visual Hug” to be effective, you must be completely honest with yourself! Remember, this list is for you, not for anyone else therefore hiding the truth is lying to yourself, it will not help you move forward.
The purpose of this list is to see the truth before you so you can address it. If you decide to cut details that you think painful to admit, you might as well not bother at all.
If you decide to be honest on your list, you have to accept the result as honest feedback, something that lays the ugly truth bare for you to see and take into consideration, accepting it and acting on it.
The next step is to soul search and write down what is that you expect from a connection, and what is that you want from a relationship. However, when writing this down you must be realistic. No flying castles or pink cows, please.
We all dream of a fairy tale lifestyle, a super romantic partner that is faultless, well at least some of us until the reality sinks in. So please be realistic with your expectations and edit your wants or desires to an acceptable piece of art that you’re proud of, and that will not compromise on.
Compromising is a must in a relationship as long that It’s not detrimental to your happiness. If the compromise will be a fair give and take that fulfils both parties then it’s a must to move the relationship forward but if you feel that it is unbalanced, stand your ground and be assertive!
If you see that you either have to bend backwards and accept something that you’re not happy with or will never make you happy then you have to reevaluate your relationship and see if you want to be in a connection that does not fulfil you. Just remember, the ultimate happiness you seek is only granted by you.
Letting go can be the hardest thing to do but one must recognise when that time is inevitable for our sanity.
Any decent relationship should be balanced where everything is reciprocated naturally, it’s a give-and-take situation where you don’t need to ask for what should be given to you, it’s an equal partnership that should be respected and cherished at all times. “Forever After” is the way I see it.
By the one and only,
Graciete
You may also like: My Personality Was Formed by My Grandmother Joana, And I am Forever Grateful
