Spending time with a toxic partner might consistently drain you or make you unhappy. Here are five types of toxic relationships.
1) The Narcissistic Relationship
A narcissistic personality disorder is characterised by a person’s inflated sense of self, a lack of empathy for others, and a need for constant admiration. These people are often in relationships with individuals who have low self-esteem and can be easily manipulated.
A narcissistic relationship is characterised by the narcissist’s need for admiration and control, their sense of Ego is disproportional and unrealistic but they hold themselves in such high regard and are unable to see anything else. It becomes their way or no way. With them, the victim’s needs are ignored or met only insofar as they serve the narcissist. The victim may not even be aware that they are being abused because of how subtle it can be. Or the victim may submit to it for the sense of being accepted.
Narcissistic abuse is any behaviour that belittles, degrades or disregards another person to make oneself feel better. It can take many forms such as verbal abuse, physical abuse, emotional abuse, sexual abuse or financial exploitation. Narcissists may take these actions because of a sense of entitlement and a need to establish superiority, control and obedience.
Narcissistic people are most successful with a victim that has very low self-esteem and no sense of self-worth. Those who accept everything and anything just to please others. They lose complete respect for themselves and find it harder to get it back because they are so into that toxic and abusive pattern that finding the way out is more difficult than giving in. They become submissive in order to be patted on the back and glorified with so little that they have to accept because they measure it as what they are worth.
The way to escape this kind of relationship is to start appreciating yourself, see your self-worth, think for yourself and not let others do it for you and remove that rose-tinted glass you use to look at your partner and face reality. Once you understand and accept that you belittle yourself for the sake of pleasing others, the quicker you will be able to start moving forward.
2) The Codependent Relationship
Codependency is a relationship where one partner relies on the other for emotional support, validation, and identity. Codependent relationships are characterised by giving up control and power in order to maintain the relationship.
Codependency can be found in any type of relationship – between parents and children, friends, romantic partners, etc. It can happen when one person is more invested in the relationship than the other person and is often characterised by an imbalance of power where one partner has more control over the other because the codependent person often gives up personal power and control to their significant other out of fear that they will lose them if they don’t do what they want or demand. They literally give up on themselves to please their partner no matter what out of fear of losing so little that they get back. The codependent becomes the servant, the submissive, the slave and the people pleaser for the sake of not being rejected by their partner. In the dynamics of that relationship, they will continually chase only to catch minuscule prey, and the sad thing is they will deem it worthy.
The codependent person may have an idealised, unrealistic view of what their significant other would do for them and fear that the sacrifices they make will be for nothing therefore they will give their over hundred per cent just to please them, to show gratitude and be recognised for the effort. They will go to great lengths to please their partner, to show that they are vested in the relationship even when they know that it will not be appreciated. And the sad thing is they will think that it’s their fault because they should have done more, invest more, and sacrifice more to be appreciated. The codependent sense of worth is zero to non and it’s almost impossible for them to see it and try to better themselves. It takes a great deal of courage and willpower to overcome this kind of relationship but the longer you stay, the more power of abuse you will vest on the other person.
The codependent may also have an unrealistic view of what their partner is willing to invest and sacrifice for them. They will praise and be ever so glad for the littlest things the other person will do for them and this is a great manipulative tactic their partner will use to get even more out of them. Because when they took them breadcrumbs they know that they will get a lot in return because the codependent will go far and beyond to please them.
It can be very hard to get out of this kind of relationship depending on what holds the other person got on you. But once you realise it, you can make plans and effort to release yourself from that hold. Only you can get yourself out.
3) The Unhealthy Relationship
Having an unhealthy relationship can be detrimental to anyone’s mental health. It can make you feel like you are not good enough for them, or that you are not worth their time. It is important to remember that it is not your fault if the other person does not have time for you.
You should be able to have a healthy relationship where both parties feel like they are being treated well and with respect, if you feel that you are not getting what you’re investing in a relationship, it’s time to move on. Sometimes moving on can be very difficult when you invest so much time, energy and emotion in someone just to realise that it’s not reciprocated and therefore it’s not going to work the way you perceived it. But it’s ok, you just need to pick yourself up and move on. It takes great courage to do something like that but recognising the imbalance and taking the first step to releasing yourself from such a selfish relationship is all you need to boost your confidence.
If you are someone who struggles with unhealthy relationships with friends, finding a new friend could help. And instead of constantly being around the person that is not treating you well, you will be able to spend more time on your own and work on your mental health in other ways. You can also consider talking to a psychologist or therapist about what it feels like to feel like you have no friends. But what you should remember is that you do have a friend, Yourself! Love yourself and take yourself out and about! Do the thing that makes you feel happy even when you’re on your own. When you constantly looking to be around other people you will neglect yourself the alone precious time to get to know yourself on a deep level.
When you lose a friend, take that alone time and do things for yourself. It may seem difficult when you’re someone that is very social orientated but being alone sometimes can and will teach you a lot. And when your ex-friend sees you go by your day and are not so worried about having them around, they may realise that it’s them who’s missing out.
4) The Abusive Relationship
An abusive relationship is characterised by one person being violent and controlling. The abuser may be a boyfriend or girlfriend, spouse, or partner. The abuse may be physical, sexual, emotional, economic or psychological, and can also be threats that intimidate the person and prevent them from taking action. The actions or threats of actions that influence another person includes any behaviours that frighten, intimidate, terrorise, manipulate, hurt, humiliate, blame, injure, or wound someone.
The abuser will do all sorts to keep the victim under wraps, paralysed them with fear, monopolise situations to get their way, cry wolf and play the “victim” to make the real victim feel bad. They will come up with stories and excuses to justify their behaviour and will master this manipulation because they know the way to get the victim to feel guilty and cave in. They will overwhelm power and influence, instilling fear in the victim, and abuse to make their partner do what they want. They may even treat to harm themselves knowing that the victim will do whatever it takes to avoid such tragedy. They are master manipulators. They will behave in the foulest way and then cry begging for forgiveness, promising that it will never happen again. Guess what, it happens all over again and again and again. It’s a vicious circle with no ending in sight.
The victim is powerless and under the control of the abuser. They are subjected to physical, sexual or emotional abuse. The victim may accept the physical, sexual, emotional, economic or psychological abuse out of fear of retaliation. They are brainwashed, totally taken by fear and deep in the hope of things will change, that they fail to recognise the pattern and take action.
Anyone can become a victim of abuse because it can happen to anyone of any race, age, sexual orientation, religion, or gender. And the victims may also be a child, elderly people, and disabled people. The abusers are people with no sense of moral code or good conduct.
The best way to escape this kind of horrific situation is to ask for help because it can be difficult to do it on your own. Talk to your GP, call a Helpline when you’re out of the house and use a friend’s phone or a phonebook. Talk to a close friend or family, save some money (Cash) for the rainy days and keep some change of clothes at that close friend’s place. And remember, your plan must be on a “Need to Know” basis only because the abuser will go to great lengths to prevent you from running away because by leaving them you’re taking their power away and they don’t like it at all. Plan in advance and GET OUT! Some people didn’t get the chance, don’t be one to be remembered like that.
5) The Neglectful Relationship
The neglectful relationship is characterised by one person not meeting the needs of the other, not taking care of or investing in the other person. The neglectful person may be a boyfriend or girlfriend, spouse, or partner. This may be through neglect, indifference, or physical, emotional, and sexual withdrawal.
This is a more complex form of abuse because it may be related to the mental health of the person who is withdrawn. Or it can be that the relationship is running its last legs and need to be revamped or let go. However, the advice is to use your discernment when judging such behaviour.
You may also like: How To Enhance the Emotional Intimacy in Your Relationship
