Challenges can arise when your loved one has to make major changes in your life. If your relationship is going through a time of transition, here are some helpful steps to take within yourself and with your partner.
Steps to Take Within Yourself
1 Recognise that change is inevitable. Every relationship goes through stages. Many families are searching for ways to adjust to the current economic downturn. Even in prosperous times, couples frequently face issues like caring for ageing parents or changing their minds about having children. Accepting the fact that something needs to change is the easiest way to transition without conflict.
2 Focus on the benefits. Naturally, when things turn out differently than you expected, you’ll probably feel some apprehension. Remember that change can also be an opportunity to make improvements. You may need to modify your budget if your partner pursues a less lucrative career, but this could also give you more time to spend together. Focus on that and make the most of it by kindling your relationship.
3 Face your fears. Conquer your fears more easily by first acknowledging them. Prepare for stressful times by developing your coping techniques like regular exercise or meditation. The other way of conquering fears is by imagining that what you fear is happening and practising your response. The more you do it you less fearful you’ll become because practicing ways to respond to them will make you calmer and less stressed when you “Actually” face them.
4 Take responsibility for your actions. You’re in control of your responses. Even disturbing events like job loss or declining health can be handled more effectively if you try to think positive and plan strategically. Don’t be so rigid and look at what needs changing from a different perspective, this may help you come to terms with it.
5 Be open to learning more about yourself. Intense emotions help us get in touch with unresolved issues in our past so we can heal more fully. As just one example, there could be a link between childhood sibling rivalry and feeling jealous of your partner’s new dog. Or you were hurt in your past relationship and you get moody and suspicious “For no reason”, every time you see your partner checking their phone.
6 Separate your personal feelings. Most of us naturally look at how our partner’s actions affect us. To fully understand the situation, also be sure to take into account their needs and motivations. Don’t be so clingy about your ways of preferring things, try to put yourself in your partner’s shoes it may make you more understanding.
7 Know your limits. You may need to reevaluate your relationship or seek professional advice if there’s a risk to the welfare and safety of you or your partner. National and Community hotlines can help you find resources for dealing with issues like clinical depression or domestic violence. At any point put yourself at risk, if you can’t cope, seek help immediately.
Steps to Take With Your Partner
1 Communicate with respect and openness. Sound communication keeps a relationship healthy. Tackle emerging issues promptly before resentments build up. Practice attentive listening. Misunderstandings and blind assumptions will only lead to disappointment. Be clear and direct in your communication at all times.
2 Seek win-win solutions. Search for solutions that will make you both happy. If your partner is dying to splurge on a more fun vehicle, buy one that looks sporty and gets good gas mileage. If you want a holiday in the Maldives but your partner thinks that a Staycation is more appropriate at this time, re-evaluate his reasons and try and compromise. Maybe Greece?
3 Meet each other halfway. Be willing to compromise. Moving your partner’s parents into your house may be beyond your comfort level, but you can help them find a good senior living community nearby. Don’t be too harsh when it comes to something sensitive as these, talking and finding a better solution is advised.
4 Offer a trial period. Maybe you’ve got some reservations about moving across the country any time soon. You and your partner could try taking a long vacation to check out possible new locations first-hand. Talking to other ex-pats is also advisable as they can offer valuable advice on how to move forward.
5 Take turns. For example, some couples reach a time when they both want to stay home with the kids, but know that someone has to take a job. You may be able to arrange a rotating schedule where you each work outside the home for a set period and then switch roles. Or try and get some work-from-home job or work on a hobby that you can monetise.
6 Negotiate independent time. Relationships grow stronger when each person matures as an individual. Let your partner have his own time and encourage yourself to also be more independent by doing your own thing. Time apart will do good to both and as they say, the heart grows fonder with absence.
7 Call in a third party. An impartial third party or professional counsellor can sometimes provide the objectivity you need to navigate life changes. Find a therapist you both feel comfortable with or talk things over with family or friends.
Even positive changes can feel stressful when you find your familiar routines disrupted. Think deeply and communicate openly with your partner so you can move together in a fresh direction. By choosing to embrace changes, you may wind up enriching your relationship and your shared future.
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